If you’re ever on the internet, you’ve likely seen the above ad banner all over the place. There’s also one where this is animated, but it’s the same exact thing.
What I’m taking away from this, besides the fact that they’re trying to scam me into a bad mortgage deal, is the picture they’re using. So, let’s break it down.
If you’re 25 or under, you’re apparently extremely perturbed. I imagine this is because you look like somebody crossed Mr. Roper with Mr. Wizard and you have incontinence issues even when sober.
Now, between the ages of 26 and 45, you haven’t changed very much and that’s pretty normal unless you live a hard rock -n- roll lifestyle of sex, drugs and Geritol. But notice how you’re much more befuddled than when you were 25. It’s as if someone finally bought you a mirror.
At 46, you realize you’re on the downhill slide of life. Shit starts hurting for no apparent reason, you really can’t stand neighbor kids on your lawn, and frankly, that woman you married 25 years ago is driving you into an early grave. Look at yourself. You’re now reservedly pissed off, waiting for the sweet sweet release of death.
Finally, you’re 66 or over. You look the same now as you did as a 20-something, but it’s appropriate. You no longer give a damn about anything other than your lawn being watered and trimmed to perfection, and not shitting your pants every time you so much as sneeze. Look at your expression. You’re silently cursing God for letting you continue to live on this Earth. If you could, you’d kick God square in the balls, but after your hip replacement surgery, you couldn’t get your leg high enough if you tried.
You’d think the marketing geniuses would have at least gotten age-appropriate models for this campaign. Perhaps this is their crotchety ass neighbor who keeps voting down their requests at the local home owners meeting and they wanted to have some fun at his expense. Or maybe, it’s the owner of the company and his employees just effin’ hate him.
For $5, I’d put their URL on my belly. It’d beat the hell out of Mr Roper/Wizard up there.
