Seriously, I'll swallow! "Wait, I almost got Luigi past the castle, put your boobs away"
Dear Bro/Dude/Homie/Jedi-Knight/Level 78 Master of Somesuchshit,
Let me let you in on a little secret. It’s something you aren’t even aware of at this moment but if affects you greatly. Do you, as an 18 – 30 year old “adult” remember the times in your life when you were simply DYING to have a woman let you touch her body? When you would have given your right arm just to press flesh with a FEMALE? Do you?
Well, now that you’ve suckered some poor girl into shacking up with you or marrying you, you’ve gotten complacent. You put your buds, your bros, your dudes, your world of warcraft pals, and your goddamn video games ahead of her. What the serious F*CK is wrong with you?
Did you know that she can decide that you’ll never touch her again, that you’ll never see her naked anymore? That’s her call dude. Wake up. Those goddamn games of yours will ALWAYS be there. Don’t get all pissy when she comes up and wants to fool around. ”Dammit Shannon, I’m almost to level 4 here! Put your tits away!”. WHAT? Have you lost your goddamned mind?
Level 4 sucks. Just like Levels 1 – 3 sucked. They are childish stupid wastes of time. Unless you are busy saving the earth from Armageddon or you’re in the middle of truly advanced neurosurgery, there is no reason that anyone will accept for you putting what you’re currently doing over having naked time with your woman.
You are a disgrace to man. MEN take pride in their women and spend TIME with their women. You little pissant boys are more worried about becoming Sky Commander or something on your silly little games. You basically suck and you’re undeserving of a woman.
I’ll tell you what, Skippy. If you don’t have time to please your woman, just send her my way. That way, you can keep on racking up kill points and other insane, unimportant shit while I’m putting the blocks to your girl, and she’s forgetting all about you. Sounds fair to me.
