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21Aug

The End of My Era – RAW Regurgitation

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Unlike many WWE performers, I know when to quit.

I’ve written faithfully every week for almost six months, recapping the stupidity that is WWE’s Monday Night RAW.

Since they’ve gone to their expanded three-hour format, I’ve found that I simply cannot stand it anymore. It takes entirely too long to watch through with the extra hour of recaps and commercials they’re running, and frankly, it’s getting stale.

Same feuds, same storylines, nothing’s moving nobody is getting elevated. It’s stagnant.

Maybe at some point in the future I might rekindle my interested and resurrect this feature. But for now, it will cease. I’m sorry to the one person who actually stops by to read it from time to time, but it’s for the best.

I hope to begin a series on another shitty show called “Nightmare Next Door”. Stay tuned!

13Aug

RAW Regurgitation – a Day Later

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Look, I went out of town this weekend and I’m struggling to catch up around here. For the four or five of you who give half a shit, I’ll be posting the Raw Regurgitation sometime on Wednesday this week.

I’m sorry for the delay, truly. But it’s been a rough day today and I just don’t have the energy to suffer through 3 hours of this shit on a Monday night. I will get it done by Wednesday though.

In the meantime, just assume it sucked.

07Aug

RAW Regurgitation – R-E-S-P-E-C-T O-M-F-G

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RAW – One Hour Longer! Because we couldn’t fit enough commercials into a two-hour show.

RAW happened again last night. The third installment of three hour shows. I’m still not sure if I like the extra hour or not, considering we’ve had all of three shows to try it out so far.

Show #1,000 was good, show #1,001 was barely better than awful, and show #1,002 was, well pretty good to be quite honest. I still found things that irritated the living piss out of me, but that’s to be expected when you have 17 monkeys with typewriters creating your scripts.

It was also supposed to be HBK Appreciation Night in San Antonio, but to the WWE’s credit, they saved most of the self-fellating for after the show went off the air. I mean, we still had to endure an HBK segment in the ring where he’s just so honored and so thrilled and so taken aback and so gracious you guys! But in the end, it wasn’t a show killer.

You see, the way I rate these shows is by how much of it I actually enjoyed compared to how much of it tried to give me brain hemorrhoids. Surprisingly enough, and much to my chagrin, there were only a handful of things that really irked me, and the rest of the show was of good enough quality that I could over look them. That doesn’t mean I’m not about to be an asshole anyways.

Let’s get started.

31Jul

RAW Regurgitation – We Tried Burnin’ It To The Ground Tonight

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Seriously, Three Hours of this shit is enough to make me want to burn their stage down.

In case you missed RAW, and I don’t blame you if you did, they caught the set on fire prior to the show. Yes, they literally set fire to their own set.

rawsetfire display image 300x199 RAW Regurgitation We Tried Burnin It To The Ground Tonight

If only they had caught the booking list on fire too.

Now, let’s be honest. I’m truly thrilled that we’re rid of Nickelback’s goddamn intro song, but now it seems the curse of Chad Kroeger will forever haunt Vince McMahon’s company. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Anyhow, it was three hours of RAW, episode 1,001 and it came on the heels of a really good 1,000th episode celebration. So, how did they follow it up? By shitting the bed, to be quite honest.

We had AJ the GM, Daniel Bryan the jilted lover, CM Punk the selfish bastard that he should always be and John Cena never giving up. Also, Big Show was there to Big Show around.

While there were a couple of bright spots in the show, overall, they fell flat in my opinion. A lot of matches thrown in there that just didn’t make sense to me. They aren’t helping any of the guys participating in them and the crowd could give less than half a shit.

With that said, let’s take a look at what all transpired.

24Jul

RAW Regurgitation – 1,000 Episodes Wholly Shit

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I’d love a new regurgitation logo. Any of you jackasses up for the challenge? I’ll even thank you publicly if you help me out.

Look, to reach 1,000 episodes and not being a news program is an amazing feat. The WWE has had some great shows and some terrible shows. Their middle-ground, however, usually leans towards the awful as of late.

That said, they didn’t do too awfully bad with last night’s celebration of the milestone they’ve achieved. Still, there was some unnecessary garbage floating around, and even more that simply didn’t have a place and was sort of shoehorned in there just to show us some legends for a second or two.

The wrestling we did get? Eh, some was good, some wasn’t. Typical RAW with more self-promotion than ever. Let’s get into it. No sense in delaying the inevitable I suppose.

(more…)

17Jul

RAW Regurgitation – We Partied Like it was #999!

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Yup, it was fun while it lasted, now we get 33% more.

RAW happened again last night, despite everyone’s protests to the contrary, we got our 999th episode of RAW. This also marked the end of the era of two hour shows. We’re now going to ~~Ludicrous Speed~~ Three Hour Shows, beginning next week during the 1,000th episode celebration. I know how at least 2 hours of this time is going to be filled already.

The ROCK is coming back to the show. DX is having a reunion to start the show. Brock Lesnar is coming back to make constipated monologues about bein’ an ass kicker or something. Hell, that’s and hour and a half by itself. We’re also going to get a nice steady run of “Memorable Moments” wherein Drew Carey tells us how he likes WWE or something.

If we’re lucky, there’s going to be a match between Punk and Cena for the title, but that will get Big Show’ed up and end in a DQ or something stupid. So let’s talk about our last 2 hour show, shall we?

16Jul

RAW Premature Regurgitation – We Spent The Money In The Bank

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You can't blame them for a let down, it's called a "refractory period".

Oh boy. If you missed it yesterday, and I assume many of you did, WWE held their pay per view event, “Money In The Bank”. Reading the results of what happened there was only one legitimate surprise in my mind, and that was Dolph Ziggler being allowed to win the World Heavyweight Championship Money In The Bank Briefcase.

Beyond that, it was pretty standard fare. Cena won the other briefcase, we had two tag team matches that nobody could give less of a shit about, a Divas tag match that was awkward and the two title matches were, well, eh?

Anyhow, tonight is the last of the two-hour versions of RAW we get. It is episode #999 and that means it’s sort of a “go-home” event for the big celebration next week when RAW reaches 1,000 episodes. With everything being put into that show (according to the dirt sheets) should we really expect a decent show tonight?

If last week’s Go-home RAW before the PPV was any indication, no. No we shouldn’t expect anything worth seeing. We’ll probably get bombarded with 1,000th RAW remembrances from the likes of Drew Carey and Jeremy Piven. (Summerfest anyone?)

So yeah..what do we have to look forward to this evening? Myself, I get to look forward to about 18 ice cold beers. Beyond that, here’s what should be on tap…

10Jul

RAW Regurgitation – As The Turd Whirls, The Soap Opera Edition

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Haven't the people in Colorado suffered enough?

Hey guess what disaster happened in Colorado recently? No, not the wild fires, that’s a tragedy and I feel deeply sorry for those affected. The real tragedy, the one that could have absolutely been prevented with a little forethought….Monday Night RAW!

UGH this show suuuuuuuuucked. It was reported a while back that they had hired on writers or creative directors or something from some cancelled Soap Operas on daytime television. And that decision is now coming to fruition by way of AJ, Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. It’s the ONLY GODDAMN STORYLINE THEY HAVE!!!!

Anyhow, let’s see what else happened, in and around the soap opera that is Monday Night Raw.

09Jul

Premature Regurgitation – A Look Ahead

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RAW is coming, get a towel.

Tonight from Colorado, it’s RAW! Shit.

So yeah, they’re doing another one of these bastards and I’m going to end up watching it so I can make fun of it tomorrow right here on Belly Billboard. That’s not so bad if they actually allow some wrestling to take place, but looking at the preview that WWE.com is giving us, I’m not holding out much hope.

Let’s see where it takes us…

03Jul

RAW Regurgitation – Worst Show Eeeeeever, A-gayn!

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It was two hours of television, but that's not saying much.

Oh this was a train wreck. Did you see RAW last night? I hope you did, because I suffered through this steaming pile of stupid. And we all know misery loves company. Look, I know that all these shows can’t be great, but they can at least make it look as though they’re making an effort to entertain somebody.

I’ll get into all that in a minute. You do realize we’re less than three weeks away from having THREE GODDAMN HOURS of this shoved down our throats every week right? I mean, they even ran a promo for it at the end of RAW last night, and honestly that was the most entertaining thing to happen on the show.

Look for yourself:

please install flash

Yeah, it was funny. It wasn’t comedic gold and it certainly wasn’t well written, but it was funny in spite of itself. Or at least, it was funny to me when I had polished off 12 beers.

Anyhow, leave a comment, share this around with your friends and for the love of Doink, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER! Now, let’s get on with it…

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