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27Jun

Mark Madden is a Goddamn Idiot

Posted in WWE | Comments Off

If I was looking for advice on how to look retarded in plaid, this is the guy I'd call. If I want honest insight into pro wrestling? Not so much.

Do you even know who I’m talking about? Mark Madden? Let’s see what Wikipedia says about him:

A 1982 graduate of Duquesne University, Madden wrote for Pro Wrestling Torch from 1992 to 1994 before beginning work as a TV color commentator and magazine writer for World Championship Wrestling. Shortly before WCW dissolved in 2001, Madden was fired for making disparaging remarks about the company, lobbying for the return of the fired Scott Hall, and disclosing information about the sale of WCW.[1] He also spent several years as a regular columnist for Wade Keller’s Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter. He gives his thoughts and opinions on WrestleZone.com’s internet show Chair Shot Reality. He reviews the performances of WWE and TNA and gives his thoughts and opinions.

So, um yeah. He’s got a degree in something or other. He wrote for a magazine that has to do with wrestling for a while and was a commentator for the now long-defunct WCW wrestling promotion. He was ultimately fired from that job. I’m not sure that he’s qualified to speak about pro-wrestling though.

You see, Mark writes a column that appears weekly on Wrestlezone.com where he spouts off about his feelings towards whatever WWE is doing at the moment. It seems he has a long standing grudge against the #1 company in Sports Entertainment and he spews his vitriol through this column towards anyone who isn’t his buddy.

For instance, this week he wrote a piece entitled “Lesnar: Opportunity Wasted; So, You Wanna Be A Heel?” I realize I just gave him a few extra views with that link, but that’s ok. He’s insecure and needs your affection.

In this article he wrote the following:

WWE is so scared that Brock Lesnar is going to leave that now there’s no point in him staying. Witness Triple H’s promo setting up a future match with Brock. Trips was no-selling his “broken” arm. His general attitude was, “If you want to fight, fine. If you don’t, that’s OK, too.”

Wait, what? What the serious f*ck are you saying? Are you playing along with their storyline or are you truly this goddamn dense that you think it’s a for real thing between HHH and Lesnar? Do you honestly, deep down in your soul, believe for a minute that Paul Heyman actually represents Brock Lesnar’s legal interests? I mean, WWE employs herds of lawyers that go over every contract they agree to. I’m pretty sure they’re not going to give Brock the right to just turn his back on them and pay him for the privilege as well. Sure, he can retire, but they’ve got something written in there to keep him from making bank as a wrestler or entertainer.

Doesn’t that make you the same “mark” that you accuse all fans of WWE for being? Doesn’t that make you as stupid as you continually call others? I mean, damn Madden, get your head out of your ass. You want views and traffic so you can get a paycheck, I understand that. What the hell do you think HHH and Lesnar and Heyman want? They want views and ratings, etc, to make a paycheck.

middle finger1 296x300 Mark Madden is a Goddamn Idiot

Mark Madden believes this is someone telling him he's #1

Yet, here you are pretending this shit is for real. If you wrote for a pro-wrestling magazine, and worked within the industry itself as a commentator, I would expect you realized by now that all of this shit you see on TV is there because they WANT IT THERE! It’s not real life dude.

Anyhow, Madden goes on to say this about Brock’s loss to John Cena:

WWE has blown it with Lesnar. His return should have been huge. But they had to get that loss to Cena on video. They had to turn Lesnar into just another fake wrestler.

Fake wrestler? HOLY GODDAMN JESUS ON A POGO STICK!!! All wrestlers at the pro level are FAKE. That’s the idea behind Pro Wrestling. It’s a SHOW. It’s SCRIPTED and it’s FAKE. Just like CSI, CSI: New York and CSI: Miami. It’s scripted for the audience. They actually have meetings and shit to discuss what’s going to happen.

Lesnar didn’t want to come back full time, and he hasn’t. Triple H wants to be in the spotlight every chance he gets, and at Summer Slam, he will face and lose, to Brock Lesnar. Who’s left to defeat the freak? John Goddamn Cena. It’s a work. It’s KAYFABE. Mark, you know these terms. I know you do. I know that because you use them to insult your readers that try to enjoy Pro Wrestling for what it is.

Mark Madden is a goddamn fool. If you listen to a word he says, you’re a goddamn fool too.

17Jun

No Way Out WWE Preview

Posted in WWE | Comments Off

Airbrushed to non-belief, that's AJ. Yes, AJ. How awful for her.

Ok, since I’ve been skimping on updates lately, I thought it was only right that I did something special for the three of you who read my blog on a regular basis. Tonight, I have paid for and will suffer through, the No Way Out Pay Per View event.

This event promises us a Triple Threat with CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and (ugh) Kane for the WWE Championship. It also offers us a World Heavyweight Championship bout with Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio Dolph Ziggler. And it offers us the chance to see some nonsense with Santino and Ricardo Rodriguez. PLUS…a promo from Triple H about his pending lawsuits from Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar.

Truly, this is worth $45 in standard definition and $55 in HIGH Definition. In fact, if you got high, it would be a better show.

Tomorrow you’ll reap the benefits of me suffering through this throw-away pay per view. Tonight? It’s Father’s Day, I’m a father and I’m drinking insane amounts of Miller Lite!

22May

Another Goddamn Wrestling Article – Brock Lesnar

Posted in WWE | Comments Off

The Face of Legitimacy. Legitimate cash-grab, that is.

Look, I’m sorry. There’s nothing else going on worth talking about right now. So you get wrestling from me. When something stupid happens, I’ll be all about it, until then, suck it.

Let’s talk about Brock Lesnar shall we? He returned to the WWE amidst great fanfare and a huge roar of approval from the WWE universe. He then proceeded to beat the piss out of John Cena every chance he got.

Again, for the Cena haters, this was glorious. For everyone else it was: “Who the hell is that square headed pasty white guy and why did he just hit John Cena in the nuts?” Yes, believe it or not, there are people who didn’t think the “Attitude Era” of the WWE was all that great.

Sure, the Attitude era had great success and for those who grew up with it, it was the best time in all of professional wrestling. But it was vulgar, they relied way too heavily on dick jokes and blood. Not something you want your kids to be a part of, unless you’re a sociopath.

I’m getting off track here. Brock Lesnar. What has he added to the show? Nothing of consequence. He’s just another relic from a long-gone era brought back for a cheap pop and a few PPV sales. I don’t care how great you think he was, he isn’t that anymore. He’s a nostalgia act, much like The Rock was a nostalgia act.

The Rock that we just witnessed wasn’t the same Rock that left a decade earlier. The Brock that we’re witnessing now? He’s not the same Brock that left all those years ago either. He’s a shell of that former monster. He’s kind of like seeing your childhood hero in person when you’re an adult and you realize they aged poorly in your eyes.

Brock is still big, he’s still strong, but he’s somehow weaker looking in my eyes. He’s not charismatic in the least, and he’s only suited to be a rampaging bull in a china shop. Don’t let him talk, don’t let him have “feelings” just let him kick ass. Put a mouthpiece back on him and maybe you’ll get some of your investment back.

Otherwise, we can do just fine without him. Even though it’s not a popular opinion, Ryback can be that hell-beast rampaging through the roster. Brodus Clay can lose a bit of the silliness and make his mark too. Mark Henry will be back soon, use what you’ve got and build the younger talent.

Until the WWE embraces their younger, less known talent and makes stars out of them we’ll be stuck seeing retread superstars come through to boost ratings and get headlines. I’ve never understood their reluctance to use the people they have and take a little time to develop them properly. Nobody is an instant star in this business.

And frankly, I don’t have much of an opinion on Brock Lesnar. He’s unimpressive to me as a character. As an athlete, sure, he’s pretty dominant, but WWE and pro wrestling in general is character driven moreso than it’s athlete driven. Otherwise, how would you explain the success of guys like Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant, Big Show, Batista, even Triple H. They’re decent enough in the ring and have even had some classic bouts, but more than anything it’s their character that makes them, not their athletic prowess.