Yes, it’s true. May 20th will mark 12 years of wedded bliss for me and my wife. We decided to take an early trip to the beach in order to celebrate this year, instead of what we usually do and just sit at home looking at each other for two solid days.
It was great. No kids, no job, no blog, just the beach, the alcohol and the <winkwink> <nudgenudge> Yes indeed, life is good when all you’ve got going on for three solid days is being naked and being drunk. And that’s what we did, almost to perfection.
So, while the rest of you schlubs worked on your honey-do lists and tackled another pointless weekend of existing long enough to go back to work today, I was at the beach with my baby having fun. FUN dammit, F-U-N!
That’s not to say it was all humping and binge drinking, we did manage to get out on the beach for a while, where I discovered my skin is a pussy. My legs are burnt and sore from the sun. We laid out there for a while and I refused any sort of sunscreen because, dammit, that’s for sissies. Luckily though, only my legs and ankles got the burn on. And that made for painful socks-wearing later on.
I was hobbling around places like an old man who just crapped in his depends. It was embarrassing. I also noticed a distinct lack of young people at Myrtle Beach this weekend. In fact, I would venture to say that aside from grandkids, we were the youngest people at the beach the entire weekend. And that made for an even better time.
All the elderly folks tended to stay in the shade by the pool or in their hotel rooms. It was like a desert island, if you can believe that. No lines to any of the clubs or restaurants, no waiting to be seated, no hold-ups on getting more drinks to the table so I could get the wife drunk and she’d let me touch her again. It was glorious. In fact, if there was any place that was crowded, it was the “all-you-can-eat-buffet” restaurants around 4pm. All the old people eat at 4pm. I think it’s a law or something.
And I did all this while you were out cutting the grass and painting the shutters. Suckers.