Never in the history of the NFL has there been a more elite, more powerful, more competent uni-brow.
Beleaguered starting quarterback and future used car salesman Joe Flacco believes that he is an elite quarterback. He’s the only person on the face of the earth, aside from maybe his mother, who believes this to be the case.
Somewhere along the line, Joe Flacco confused the term “elite” with “kinda ok”. And I don’t hold him completely at fault on this one. Hell, if I was the starting quarterback for an NFL franchise, I’d like to believe that I was elite too. I mean, it’s not like they just let ANYONE have that position, you have to bring something special, something extra, to the table.
What something “special” does Flacco bring to the table in Baltimore? Immeasureables like lushness of the unibrow. He leads the league in delusional arguments with the media. He’s a world-class whiny bitch and above all that he’s the shiniest of three turds at the quarterback position on the Ravens roster.
That’s got to count for something, right? But maybe, just maybe, there’s something behind all this smoke he’s blowing. Let’s look at a quote from a prominent NFL quarterback who was discussing Joe Flacco earlier this year:
Without a doubt. What do you expect me to say?” he queried. “I assume everybody thinks they’re a top-five quarterback. I mean, I think I’m the best. I don’t think I’m top-five, I think I’m the best. I don’t think I’d be very successful at my job if I didn’t feel that way. I mean, c’mon? That’s not really too tough of a question. But that doesn’t mean that things are gonna work out that way. It just means that that’s the way it is, that’s the way I feel it is, and that’s the way I feel it should be.
Of course, the quarterback I just quoted is Joe Flacco. That shouldn’t color your opinion of his bestestness in the world claims though! This is a direct quote from a starting NFL Quarterback. And if anyone knows anything about the quarterback position, it’s probably not Joe Flacco.
Look, I believe in positive thinking and daily affirmations, they’re useful tools to build your self-esteem and your confidence. They make you feel good about yourself and everyone should be allowed to feel good about themselves.
Where I draw the line is when your delusions spill out into the open. I don’t believe in the Boogey Man anymore than I believe that Joe Flacco is a “top 5″ quarterback. I don’t believe that giant space dildoes will invade the earth, and my only protection is a can of Raid Ant & Roach spray and a hat made from a Taco Bell five-dollar box, anymore than I believe Joe Flacco will ever be considered an elite quarterback.
On the other hand, if this football thing comes to an end, he’s got a great future in going the Tony Robbins route and teaching people to believe in themselves even when there are mountains of evidence that prove you should never believe in yourself. He could call it “Joe Flacco’s An Idiot and You Can Too!”
No matter how many times you say “I’m a dragon-slaying, teleporting, magical garden gnome” it’s not going to come true, and you’re not going to convince anyone else that it’s true either.
