Cena’s got a history making announcement to make. As an aside, isn’t EVERYTHING history making? I mean, if it happens (present tense) that means that it happened (past tense) and history is all about the past tense, or, things that happened.
Anyhow, he’s here to make jokes. He does a Star Wars style recap on what’s been going on in the WWE in case you were lucky enough to have missed it.
- John Laurinitis is the Evil Emperor
- Big Show is Fat Vader
- Cena is Cena-walker
- Vince is crusty dusty old Yoda McMahon
- Cena does a terrible Yoda voice and even he can’t stand it anymore, so he finally stops.
As he is about to get around to making his “history making” announcement, the lights go out. Well shit, that was quick. It’s over already? G’nite everyone! See you next week!
Shit. Nope, Jericho is back, sans-sparkle jacket. And he comes out to Cole announcing how great Fozzy is. Fozzy, by the way, isn’t great. It’s awful, but hey, who am I?
Here’s how it breaks down from here:
Chris: What the hell? Make your announcement and shut up! Get out of my ring. This is my night. They forgot the batteries for my jacket.
John: Hold on folks (crowd’s booing), Give him his due. Remember, though, Big Show is on a tear, and in the Money in the Bank ladder match. My big announcement, by the way if you haven’t forgotten by now, is that I’m entering the MITB match for the FIRST TIME EVER!! And I’m gonna win the whole FUDGING thing!
John: It’s a PG Show.
Chris: You’re arrogant, how dare you be arrogant? I invented arrogant. Besides it doesn’t work that way. I invented the MITB match. I’ve been in three MITB matches.
John: How many did you win? Zero.
Chris: You’re always smug, always being funnny. Blah blah blah blah blah
Anyhow this shit goes on for a while until Vickie shows up and says that with 3 weeks until the MITB PPV there’s going to be two MITB matches. One for the WWE title and one for the WHC title. Superstars cannot place themselves in these matches. (even though two of them just did) Only former WWE Champions can compete in the WWE MITB match.
That means, it will be: Kane (kane?) Big Show, Chris Jericho and John Cena. I’m surprised she didn’t throw Punk in there too, like her elimination match from earlier.
Cena insults her, as he is wont to do. She gets even though. And word for word this is what she says:
“For the First Time in History, for at least two years, John Cena will face Chris Jericho in tonight’s main event.” For the first time in history, for at least two years. Let that simmer on your brain for a while.
Commercial. Again, did you see any goddamn wrestling happen?