Just Make Out or Something Already
We get our GM vs GM wrestling match by way of David Otunga vs. Ezekiel Jackson. Quick, tell me who you think would win this fight, honestly. Look at the two of them. Zeke’s a huge dude that eats guys like Otunga for protein. So, how do you think it ended?
Otunga wins with his finisher, now dubbed “The Verdict”. Christ. I know he’s a lawyer or some such shit, but “The Verdict” sounds like what Judge Judy would use to choke you out if you gave her any back-sass.
Then Undertaker makes his signature 30 minute entrance. He talks to the COO, HHH about how he remembers the beating he took last year in Wrestlemania, but that it’s been a mental hell for him everyday since. He says the physical wounds have healed, but the mental anguish is just too much. He needs to end the uncertainty and that he challenged Triple H to a rematch but wasn’t expecting to be told NO.
A side note, I know they were in Minnesota last night and I guess that crowd is full of assholes just based on the fact they live in Minnesota, but they were heckling the Undertaker all throughout his monologue. I couldn’t make out most of it, but the “What” chants were ridiculous. I hope Minnesota gets a collective case of bad burritos and suffers painful, explosive diarrhea for the remainder of the month. Assholes.
Anyhow, Triple H comes out and starts to explain his position and is told to “SHUT UP” by Taker. Awwww…shit done got real yo!
But no, they go back and forth, point, counterpoint for a while. Then as Triple H is trying to leave the ring, Undertaker does the second worse thing imaginable in Triple H’s very-manly world and calls him a Coward. Awwww…shit done got real for real yo!
Triple H considers giving him a tussle that he won’t soon forget, but then realizes that hey, it’s just words and words don’t mean anything. I’m gonna B.A. Star tonight. And tells Undertaker that he knows what he’s trying to do and won’t bite. He’s not wrestling him again, it’s bad for business. End of story. Period. No comment.
And as Triple H walks towards the back, Undertaker hits him with the WORSE thing possible in Triple H’s very-manly world and says that he’s jealous of Shawn Michaels and that Shawn Michaels is better than Triple H, Shawn Michaels has better hair than Triple H and Shawn Michaels has a bigger dick than Triple H. AWWWWW. shit done got for real for real real yo!
Triple H removes the tie. He’s mad. Removes the sport jacket. He’s real mad. Marches back into the ring. Stands nose to nose with the Deadman and accepts the match.
But wait! There’s more!
If we do this, says Triple H the very manly man’s man who’s penis size should never be questioned, we will do it in a Hell in a Cell! OOOOOH-WEEE! It’s on like Donkey Kong ya’ll.
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