For reals you guys. This is sad and serious. I'm sad and serious about it. Feel bad with me.
As we return, Jerry Lawler is trying to tell us that this is a tragedy what happened to Big Show. In a somber voice he confides that Show didn’t deserve that kind of humiliation and that the crowd is stunned by what just transpired.
Nope. Funkasaurus is here. Big Who? What? Shut up and dance!
But then, AW SHIT Somebody Call My Momma! The crowd goes apeshit and Lawler’s poignant moment is shit upon. Even as he’s making his ring entrance with the Funkadactyls, Lawler is still trying to make us feel bad for Big Show. He tells us how sad and shocked everyone is. All the while, the crowd has forgotten Big Show ever existed. The Funakasaurus is here!
This is a six-man tag match with Brodus Clay, Kofi Kingston and R-Truth facing The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. Incidentally, Kofi and R-Truth will face Swaggler at Over The Limit on Sunday for the tag titles. Poor Dolph, he deserves so much better.
And they fight, a little bit anyways. Brodus clears the ring using his Titanium skull and we go to a commercial.
Somebody call his Momma and tell her to pry this little bastard off his back!
That was fun wasn’t it? But we come back and they’re going at it. And it’s a good match. High energy and fast paced. It’s fun. That’s what I like, make it fun. But then we cut away to the Skybox Suite where A.W. is there along with Mason Ryan, Primo, Epico and Rosa. They’re watching the match from a mile away. And so are we because they’re filming 5 people watching the match from a mile away.
They do that again later. It’s great TV you guys.
Anyhow, Kofi hits the S.O.S. on the Miz and Swaggler jump in to save the match. They get pounded and dumped out of the ring, leading to Kofi hitting the Trouble in Paradise on Miz, tagging in Brodus and Miz getting a 400lb. Funk-a-splash for the win. The darker team beat the whiter team. That’s good diversity right there.
Win over the kids and their parents money will follow.
Brodus has been bringing kids from the audience into the ring after his matches to dance and take a bow with him. Let me just say this. If Brodus has captured the hearts of these kids, he’ll be employed as the Funkasaurus for a very long time in the WWE. And that’s a good thing.
We get a Smackdown recap from the Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio matchup where Orton and Jericho got involved somehow. This is brought to you by Denny’s new Heart Attack Breakfast Special.
Remember when I used to wrestle? No? Ok then.
Backstage, CM Punk is walking and talking with Alex Riley. AJ approaches and A-Ry bails. She wishes Punk good luck in his match this Sunday, to which CM Punk is telling her thanks but you’re batshit crazy. I know Daniel Bryan, I’ve known him longer than you and I don’t trust him. I’m not getting in the middle of your crazy stalker nonsense, so um, bye!
Christ on a cracker. That’s horrible writing folks. Just horrible.
Now Sheamus comes out to the ring to join commentary for the upcoming Jericho and Orton matchup. Our Main Event. Have you kept count? We’ve had 4 matches prior to this point with 20 minutes left in the 2 hour show. We’ve seen: Punk/Santino vs. Rhodes/Bryan, Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix, a Six Man Tag and Kane vs. Big Show. That’s it. If you don’t count the Divas, and I rarely do, that’s THREE MATCHES in 100 minutes of television.
Way to boost your ratings WWE. Keep up the subpar work!
Anyhow, these two start wrestling, Jericho gets tossed to the floor and we go to commercial. Because anytime a guy hits the floor and the other guy doesn’t immediately go after him, it’s a commercial break.
