What is this? A Love Paralellogram? Jeeeeezus.
It’s a recap with Punk/DB/Kane/AJ. And then Daniel “YES YES YES” Bryan comes out to educate us. He says he’s nothing like Punk and Kane, calls AJ a 95lb weakness and says Punk is only with her to try to make him jealous. But that won’t work because he’s SOOOOO over her now. But he can’t blame her for still being in love with him because “Once you go Bryan, there’s no point in Tryin’!” What?
So Punk comes out, Daniel says he panders to everyone. For someone who claims to be the voice of the voiceless you’re all about yourself. You’re a CM Sellout, or some such shit. Well, Punk won’t take that sitting down. No, he calls DB “Goatface” and the idiots in the crowd chant it for about a half hour.
Then Kane. Kane gives us his highlights such as:
- Once set Good Ol’ Jim Ross on fire
- Electrocuted Shane McMahon’s testicles
- Gave a Tombstone piledriver to a priest
He neglected trying to kill Zack Ryder multiple times, but I digress. And I wish to hell he would have digressed. Big Johnny shows up on screen and puts all four of them in a match. Yes, Daniel Bryan and Kane will face CM Punk and AJ. B.A. Star Johnny!
Well Holy Jumpin Jesus Shitballs! You can track your pizza ONLINE!
All the while, King and Lawler are going apeshit over this wild new online tool from Domino’s called PIZZA TRACKER! Can you believe it? You can actually TRACK the PROGRESS of your PIZZA on the computer!!!!! Holy shit, we have finally reached the peak of human innovation! F*ck Dominos and their pizza tracker, pizza hero and shitty pizza.
Wade Barret's hurt, so the logical replacement has got to be Khali!
Now comes Christian, Dolph, Jack and Khali for their match. Of course, they all three team up on Khali and get him out first. Then it gets good. All three guys can really work a match. And it’s what you’d expect. The double team against Christian. Christian fights back valiantly and hits the Kill Switch on Swagger, only to have Dolph steal the pinfall. Now it’s Christian and Dolph and it’s GOOD. Both guys are incredible to watch and they give it their all. Dolph ultimately wins, but you knew that going in if you were paying attention.
As Dolph walks backwards up the ramp, Sheamus comes out to talk trash and point fingers at him. Backstage, Natalya is talking to Vince for some reason. She’s asking for another Hart Family reunion. Vince can’t get away fast enough, and runs into the Funkadactyls who are imploring Vince to bring Brodus back to RAW. They do it while rubbing butts and flirting. Vince finally says “Somebody Call My Momma!” and white dances with them a bit.
Zack Ryder is staring at Vince in horror. To which Vince replies, “Woo Woo Woo YOU Know it!” and shit-walks off camera into a commercial. So Zack is still alive.
