If we get Cena some bronzer, we can go right ahead and reboot "No Hold Barred"
We get footage, actual video footage, from the Fatal Four Way Tag Match at No Way Out. JEEEEEZUS REAL FOOTAGE??? They must have felt bad for us watching at home and threw us a bone.
But that leads us to a tag team match between the PrimeTime Players as managed by A.W. vs Primo/Epico/Spaghettio or whatever. On one hand I want to like this, it’s TAG TEAM WRESTLING. On the other hand, it’s Darren Young, Primo, Titus O’neil and Epico. So it’s a double edged sword I guess.
And it’s a terrible match that ends with PTP bailing out of the match and losing via countout because, heels. What I don’t get, is are we supposed to care for Primico? Epimo? Whatever? They’re boring. Nobody was into that match at all, not even the guys performing in it.
They take us to commercial with about 15 minutes left in the show. Yeah, 3 matches in an hour and forty-five minutes so far. Great stuff!
We come back to get a reminder that on July 23rd, we can expect 33% more of this horse shit. Three hours of RAW!
Big Johnny’s in the ring to talk. He “you peoples” us to death. He must have said “loser” three dozen times. On the upside? He didn’t try to do John Cena’s Mask impersonation when saying it.
Otunga comes out followed by Big Show. And with five minutes left in the show, we go to commercial break again. THREE HOURS IN JULY GUYS!
Back now, Teddy Long is at the announce table to tear up his name tag. I’m really sorry they didn’t let Teddy just beat the hell out of Eve with that name tag all night, but what are you gonna do?
What better way to promote Anti-Bullying campaigns? I mean, we need a point of reference right? Right?
Show gets into the ring, thanks Johnny for his Iron-Clad contract. Then bails out to leave Otunga/Johnny to face Cena on their own. Because, Show’s a heel you guys.
Otunga has to fight Cena and that goes horribly for him. Every time he tries to tag out to Johnny, Johnny moves away. Finally Otunga gets Cena beat down, and that’s when Johnny wants to tag in for the victory.
Of course, Cena can’t be beat. So Johnny attempts to tag out and Otunga refuses. This leads to the inevitable. Three, count ‘em THREE Attitude Adjustments for Johnny and a STF submission to end his career.
I don’t know you guys. I’m just…just….ugh. I want to like RAW so much and then they dribble this shit out in front of us every week. I gotta say, three hours of this is going to be worse than the deepest parts of the hottest precincts of hell.
