I'm Mike Mayock and I'm here to completely ruin any enjoyment you might get out of watching the 2012 NFL Draft.
And goddamn it all, it took FOR-FREAKIN-EVER to end. Thirty two picks had to be made. Each team was given up to 10 minutes to decide what they were going to do. In essence, that should have been a MAXIMUM 320 minutes. Nobody ever uses their full allotment of time, and tonight the first three picks were turned in in less than 5 minutes.
But with all the phony pomp and circumstance of having Roger Goodell announce each pick, hand them a shitty Nike jersey with their name on it and pose for photo ops, it dragged on and on and on and on….
And to make matters worse, I had to listen to Mike Mayock, limp penis of the NFL network dissect each draft pick in a way that only he can. He sort of sounds like a guy who knows football, he says football-y things now and then while speaking about football players. I’m just not convinced he really knows what he’s saying. I can do a mock draft based on the analysis of other people too. He’s not a genius, he’s a plagiarist at best.
Anyhow, I tuned into this show mainly so I could see the Redskins announce the signing of Robert Griffin III, and I got to see that. But then I stuck around a while to see if there were any surprises. I mean, the only alternative programming I had to choose from was “Touch” on FOX and I wouldn’t wish that steaming goat shit on my worst enemy.
Anyhow, this is how the draft went down. I hope you enjoy this more than I enjoyed watching and listening to it.
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