Unlike many WWE performers, I know when to quit.
I’ve written faithfully every week for almost six months, recapping the stupidity that is WWE’s Monday Night RAW.
Since they’ve gone to their expanded three-hour format, I’ve found that I simply cannot stand it anymore. It takes entirely too long to watch through with the extra hour of recaps and commercials they’re running, and frankly, it’s getting stale.
Same feuds, same storylines, nothing’s moving nobody is getting elevated. It’s stagnant.
Maybe at some point in the future I might rekindle my interested and resurrect this feature. But for now, it will cease. I’m sorry to the one person who actually stops by to read it from time to time, but it’s for the best.
I hope to begin a series on another shitty show called “Nightmare Next Door”. Stay tuned!
RAW – One Hour Longer! Because we couldn’t fit enough commercials into a two-hour show.
RAW happened again last night. The third installment of three hour shows. I’m still not sure if I like the extra hour or not, considering we’ve had all of three shows to try it out so far.
Show #1,000 was good, show #1,001 was barely better than awful, and show #1,002 was, well pretty good to be quite honest. I still found things that irritated the living piss out of me, but that’s to be expected when you have 17 monkeys with typewriters creating your scripts.
It was also supposed to be HBK Appreciation Night in San Antonio, but to the WWE’s credit, they saved most of the self-fellating for after the show went off the air. I mean, we still had to endure an HBK segment in the ring where he’s just so honored and so thrilled and so taken aback and so gracious you guys! But in the end, it wasn’t a show killer.
You see, the way I rate these shows is by how much of it I actually enjoyed compared to how much of it tried to give me brain hemorrhoids. Surprisingly enough, and much to my chagrin, there were only a handful of things that really irked me, and the rest of the show was of good enough quality that I could over look them. That doesn’t mean I’m not about to be an asshole anyways.
Let’s get started.
Seriously, Three Hours of this shit is enough to make me want to burn their stage down.
In case you missed RAW, and I don’t blame you if you did, they caught the set on fire prior to the show. Yes, they literally set fire to their own set.
If only they had caught the booking list on fire too.
Now, let’s be honest. I’m truly thrilled that we’re rid of Nickelback’s goddamn intro song, but now it seems the curse of Chad Kroeger will forever haunt Vince McMahon’s company. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
Anyhow, it was three hours of RAW, episode 1,001 and it came on the heels of a really good 1,000th episode celebration. So, how did they follow it up? By shitting the bed, to be quite honest.
We had AJ the GM, Daniel Bryan the jilted lover, CM Punk the selfish bastard that he should always be and John Cena never giving up. Also, Big Show was there to Big Show around.
While there were a couple of bright spots in the show, overall, they fell flat in my opinion. A lot of matches thrown in there that just didn’t make sense to me. They aren’t helping any of the guys participating in them and the crowd could give less than half a shit.
With that said, let’s take a look at what all transpired.
It's going to happen, you can't stop it. Might as well accept your fate.
It’s almost that time once more, RAW is on tonight. And it’s one of our last few shows that will stick to less than 3 hours. I’m going to try to enjoy it and keep a positive outlook on the changes coming, but if last week’s show was any indication, we’re in for pure misery.
Anyhow, what’s going on tonight? Well for one thing…
The Rock isn't the only superstar who has notes written on his body.
Jericho Returns! Did you miss him? I didn’t. He’s been just kind of “there” since his return earlier this year. That’s not a reflection on Chris so much as it is a reflection on horrific booking and lackluster story lines.
Punk is a drunk? Really? That’s what we’re going for here? Punk the drunk. CM Drunk with the crackwhore sister and the deadbeat dad and the promiscuous mother who <gasp> had a child out of wedlock? What is this, the 1950′s? Christ. Let’s hope he comes back with a purpose and a direction tonight. Also, we’ll get some kind of Fozzy musical bullshit in the way of a promo or something. I’m fairly certain of that.
If you're a masochist, you're going to love the Three Hour Format.
Honestly I was hoping for a decent show, but I guess I can hope in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up first. It was the wrap-it-up show from their “big” No Way Out pay per view event this past Sunday. So WWE decided to basically give everybody the night off. There wasn’t much wrestling and there honestly wasn’t much show, thanks to the Millions and Millions of Commercials.
In all, they didn’t do much to further storylines. They were broadcasting live from Long Island, and neglected to put Zack Ryder on the show. They had the big “Farewell Address” from Big Johnny, and that was boring and predictable. And they gave us a little more Punk vs. Bryan vs. Kane with special guest albino, Sheamus and a touch of AJ.
Otherwise, this show had nothing to recommend it. I really can’t wait until they go to three hours in July. It’s going to be pure miserable shit, I’m calling it now.
In the meantime, follow me on Twitter. Twitter’s a thing you guys! And consider leaving a comment down there in the comments section. It’s easy and it’s fun! Consider it your very own little slice of “People Power” if you will.
With all that said, let’s schlep our way through Monday Night Raw.
1.) That doesn't look like AJ. 2.) This isn't even relevant to the pay per view or storyline. 3.) Daniel Bryan looks like he belongs in that era.
We all knew this was coming didn’t we? They promoted this pay per view for like three solid weeks on TV and yet, we hoped against hope that they were just pulling our legs. No such luck, it happened, and parts of it were wholly unnecessary. Some was decent though. It’s nearly impossible to be disappointed when you have Punk, Bryan and Ziggler on the card.
So what happened? I’ll let you know what happened and what I thought of it, but first, you need to follow me on Twitter. It irritates me that Vince has more Twitter followers than I do and I’m at least as crazy as he is.
Now…let’s get to it.
Airbrushed to non-belief, that's AJ. Yes, AJ. How awful for her.
Ok, since I’ve been skimping on updates lately, I thought it was only right that I did something special for the three of you who read my blog on a regular basis. Tonight, I have paid for and will suffer through, the No Way Out Pay Per View event.
This event promises us a Triple Threat with CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and (ugh) Kane for the WWE Championship. It also offers us a World Heavyweight Championship bout with Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio Dolph Ziggler. And it offers us the chance to see some nonsense with Santino and Ricardo Rodriguez. PLUS…a promo from Triple H about his pending lawsuits from Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar.
Truly, this is worth $45 in standard definition and $55 in HIGH Definition. In fact, if you got high, it would be a better show.
Tomorrow you’ll reap the benefits of me suffering through this throw-away pay per view. Tonight? It’s Father’s Day, I’m a father and I’m drinking insane amounts of Miller Lite!
33% More RAW! 33% More Alcohol Poisoning trying to watch the whole thing
Well, I don’t know that Vince used Extenze so much, as I know RAW was longer tonight. I suffered through a three hour format for basically one more match and 2,000 more commercial breaks Monday night. If this is the formula they’re going to use for the new “permanent-until-it’s-not” Three Hour show, I don’t know how I’m going to last.
Anyways, it wasn’t terrible, it had terrible moments, but that’s to be expected. It was a fun show, and they really played up the return of Vince “Yerrr Fahrrrred!” McMahon. So that’s a plus. He’s one of their best on-screen characters anyways.
Let’s get to it. Here’s a bonus negative though, the return of the Nickelback song for the intro. I was enjoying the lack of Nickelback.
THREE HOURS of this shit. I need some time to work on it for you.
Hey all, I’m really sorry to inform you but the RAW Regurgitation is going to be late in coming online. I watched the show and you didn’t miss a goddamn thing that you will regret. Vince was back, and it was great!
Unfortunately I had a family emergency this weekend with my father and it’s been hectic around here for me. I will get this article up ASAP for you to mock and laugh at with me, but for now, it will be delayed at least one day.
Please bear with me, I’ll be a nasty son of a bitch just like always. I just need a day to work on it.
While we support Anti-Bullying outside the ring, Inside the ring it's all about ratings baby!
Ok, first off let me apologize for being so lax on updating the site lately. I’m sorry. Really, I’m sorry. Actually, I’m not. See, I run a sign shop on my own and I’ve been busier than hell this past week. So you people can suck it. See? YOU PEOPLE! I’m a heel! Anyhow, I hope to be back to regular updates this week for you.
Tonight’s RAW was, well, it was something. We had some wrestling, we had some storylines, and we also had Pizza Hero job offers from Domino’s. It’s a win-win-lose situation. Overall, not a terrible show. It had it’s moments.
I’d also like to state, for the record, that I started watching RAW at 10 pm, ONE FULL HOUR after the start time of the live show thanks to my DVR. At 11:10 my time, I had 20 minutes left of actual RAW programming to watch. By my calculations, that’s nearly 45 minutes of wasted time. I forwarded through every commercial break and the Big Show interview towards the end of the program. Yes, they hate us that much.
As always, I’m going to ask you to follow me on Twitter, Facebook and to leave a comment if you can. As always, you’re going to ignore my pleas and go on with your life anyways. The best I can do is ask. The best you can do is goddamned help a brother out!
Let’s get this thing over with shall we? We shall.