Sooooo, after 8 weeks, the Redskins are finally showing everyone just what they’re made of. And that, apparently, is week old ferret shit. After starting the season so strong with a 3-1 record, they’ve managed to lose 3 games straight to teams, that frankly, my 11 year old son’s Pop Warner team would have had a chance at beating.
Let’s examine yesterdays highlights for the Washington squad:
Yeah. That about sums it up. I understand that you have starters sitting out injured, and the backups are playing in their place. That’s why you have backups. I also understand that they are backups because they’re not quite what you want or need in a starting player. But, would it have been the least bit possible to maybe sign some backup players that have actually heard of the game of football before Sunday? Holy Jumpin Jesus on a pair of Moonshoes. I believe they just recruited a half-dozen 300+ pound guys from a local Canadian bar before the game and offered to buy them a Molson if they’d come bang heads for an hour or so.
The offensive line lived up to the name…OFFENSIVE. My grandmother blocked better than they do and she was 80 years old, 95lbs and walked with a cane. Of course, she was mean enough to brain you with it, so that might have contributed to her successes.
The offensive play calling was horrendous. At the start of the game, Troy Aikman and Joe Buck, (two of the most androgynous white men ever to grace a football broadcast booth) mentioned that Kyle Shanahan, like “many other offensive coordinators in the league” likes to script his first 15 or so plays before they deviate from the plan. I don’t know about this one guys. Kyle looked to be reading from the “Ishtar” script or something, because what he was calling surely wasn’t football plays. I’m seriously doubting that Kyle Shanahan is even related to Mike by blood. There’s no way I can comprehend the son being this retardulous at his job. Then again, he did lobby for Rex Grossman to join the team AND start the season.
And Beck. Poor poor Mormon-y John Beck. Sacked 9 times in the game. Nine. N I N E. That’s more sacks than some teams have collectively through 8 weeks of football. I bet he’s planning another mission with the church just to avoid being sacked into the I.C.U. next week. I wouldn’t blame him. Most people don’t try to separate your skull from your spine when you’re offering them a free book from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They just cuss at you and slam the door in your face.
Let’s put this in perspective. A team, consisting of 53 professional athletes, 20 or so being Defensive specialists, men whose job is to sack the opposing team’s quarterback have less sacks through 8 weeks of football than the Redskins allowed in four quarters of football in one day. That’s ridiculous. I wonder if Wile E. Coyote was consulting the Offensive Coach during half time.
It’s not all bad, if the Redskins manage to lose the majority of their remaining 9 games, and the Colts, Rams, and Dolphins can muster up barely better than pants shitting horrible records before the season ends, the Skins might have a chance to draft Andrew Luck. Failing that, I imagine both Donovan McNabb and Brett Favre will be looking for employment in 2012. And who wouldn’t want to be a part of that, hah? The over-the-hill gang returns to D.C.! New field sponsor: Medicaid!
Oh, before I forget, can we start a “Get Rid of DeAngelo Hall” group or petition or something? For a guy that credits himself as the best cornerback in the game, he sure looked bad getting smoked yesterday by a receiving corps that consisted of only ONE drafted player (7th round) and the rest un-drafted free agents. That’s a lot like saying you’re the best poker player ever, and then having to ask your Mom to shuffle the cards for you because you can’t quite figure out how to do it right. And you just wind up kind of flipping through the cards real fast, hoping nobody notices you don’t have the coordination required.
Still, I support my team, even if they go out of their way to shit on my Twinkie every week. Hail to the Redskins.
