Rex'll be watching from home just like us regular guys.

The party’in starts NOW folks.  I was going to get up today, write an incredibly witty, yet misunterstood, article about some group of people so they too could hate on me.  But instead, I had to get my new BBQ smoker burned in for the big day Sunday.

As you can see on the sidebar of the site, I was trying to get a petition going to make Superbowl Sunday a national holiday.  Since nobody, save for 2 people, saw fit to sign the petition, I’m afraid I’m going to have to abandon all hope of getting Monday off now.  I’m not giving up though.  I will fight the good fight and I will continue to circulate this online petition until we have enough signatures to force the powers-that-be in Washington to take notice and give the American people what they want.  And what do we want?  We want a holiday for the Superbowl.  It’s one of the biggest party events of the year!

So if you would, sign my little petition hah?  To my knowledge, it doesn’t cost you a dime and it could help us add a holiday to the calendar so that all of us fun-lovin’, beer-swillin’, party-goin’, red-blooded, All-American Americans can get our groove on proper and still have one day to recover from it.

Hell, if Arbor day is a thing, I don’t see why this won’t work.  Here’s my Superbowl pick:  Giants.  My prediction, however, is the Patriots.  I want the Pats to lose, ergo, they will win.  Smart money’s on New England.  Smarter money’s on Miller Brewing Company stock, because I’m doing it up right this Sunday!

All my Superbowl parties are just like this. In my dreams.

Bear with me.  I know for many people it already is, but that’s unofficially.  I want this to be a nationally recognized holiday in where we all get the following Monday off from work to recover from eating way too many fat drenched snacks and consuming oceans of cheap beer.  Hell, I think we should all get to set up goal posts and decorate them with jock straps, hang beer cans from the gutters on the house, you know give it the royal treatment.

We could come up with Super Bowl carols to sing as we rove drunkenly from house to house, hoping that our hosts are kind enough to offer us a shot of jager and a chicken wing.  ”We Three Kings” could become “These Three Points”.  ”Jingle Bells” could be changed to “Sack That Jerk.”  Oh, the wonder of it all!  New traditions could spring from this and it would be glorious.  Instead of exchanging paper wrapped presents, we could give each other $10 off coupons to the sub shop for 6 foot sandwiches.  Gift cards to the snack aisle at the grocery store.

Just imagine this:

‘Twas the night of the Superbowl and all through the land,
Not a thing else to do, I have a beer in my hand.
The coolers were stocked, right full to the top,
Now start this damn game, and don’t you dare stop.

The men were all settled on the couch here and there,
While visions of capitalism played on the air.
And the wives took the keys, and credit cards too
“We’re outta here jackass, gonna buy some new shoes!”

When finally the game began with a clatter,
Some relic was singing, oh what a disaster.
Mashing the mute button in a quick flash,
That beer runs right through me, brb, bathroom dash.

The players are lined up, oh man here we go!
Wait, no we don’t, a commercial for Faygo.
When finally on TV, the game did appear!
Two NFL teams, all dressed up in their gear.

Now Packers, Now Ravens, Get on with this shit!
I’ve been eating all day, drinking, getting blitzed.
Down the field, throw the ball!
Now run it hard, run it through that defensive wall.

As we reach the half-time show, we’re all high as a kite.
Wondering which relic from the 80′s now has the mic.
Time for a trip to the toilet again,
Grab a slice and a beer, and on my chair, I’ll fall in.

When finally it’s over and the new champ is crowned,
We’ll all be amazed that nobody has drowned.
Nearly 11 o’clock on the East Coast right now,
I’m calling off work, I feel just like a freshly tipped cow.

Imagine reading that little gem to your kids.  The Grinch Who Stole Christmas could be adapted into the “Patriots Who Filmed Their Opponents”.  We could have an entirely new holiday season for everyone to take part in.  It’d be fantastic and magic all at once.  I’m going to start a petition and see if I can’t make this a reality.  Let me know you’re behind me and sign that petition by clicking here.  Or use the banner on the side of the page.  Spread the word, let’s make this happen!