And good for them. Without NFL Network breaking down these barriers and allowing the slow-witted among us to find gainful, meaningful and purposeful employment, they may never have a chance to experience a rich and full life on their own.
I’m referring, of course, to NFL Network’s crack reporter Aditi Kinkhabwala. You might remember her from this article I wrote earlier this year wherein she was disappointed in the general lack of hazing being dished out to Redskins Rookie QB Robert Griffin III.
It would seem that as the Summer wore on and the NFL.com editorial staff realized they were spending an inordinate amount of time teaching her to use her opposable thumbs to type barely comprehensible fluff pieces to use as site filler on slow news days that it was just easier to give her a Mr. Microphone and allow her to bother athletes after they finished playing the game.
Case in point, in Sunday’s win over the New Orleans Saints, Aditi interviewed Robert Griffin III about his win. Now, for some reason I can’t embed the video, but I will post a link. She asked him two questions, neither of which were answerable, but to his credit, RG3 didn’t insult her, didn’t poke her in her stupid eye and didn’t ask where her handler was. He’s truly a gentleman.
And if you don’t want to view the video, here’s the transcript from her side of things:
Aditi: 320 yards passing, WIN, and 500 people screaming your name in an away stadium…is this really honestly what you envisioned?
Look at that image, RG3 wants to slap the stupid out of her, but realizes it would be a futile effort. Anyhow, he’s gracious, and instead of calling her out for wanting to have him hazed earlier this year, he instead says something to shut her up but she persists:
Aditi: We get that a “touchdown is a touchdown” but when you start with an 88 yard touchdown, does that kind of set the tone for the day just a little bit?
Translation: Durr herr herrr I eat my boogers.
Lady, look. I know you’re special and that we should treat everyone kindly, but I wouldn’t put you in charge of a dog walking business, let alone let you conduct interviews with other human beings. This is just painful to witness and you ruin everything that’s good about football.
Maybe we can get you a spot covering Olympic Curling, it’s a slow game and you’re a slow person. It’s a match made in heaven.