Look, I went out of town this weekend and I’m struggling to catch up around here. For the four or five of you who give half a shit, I’ll be posting the Raw Regurgitation sometime on Wednesday this week.
I’m sorry for the delay, truly. But it’s been a rough day today and I just don’t have the energy to suffer through 3 hours of this shit on a Monday night. I will get it done by Wednesday though.
In the meantime, just assume it sucked.
I’d love a new regurgitation logo. Any of you jackasses up for the challenge? I’ll even thank you publicly if you help me out.
Look, to reach 1,000 episodes and not being a news program is an amazing feat. The WWE has had some great shows and some terrible shows. Their middle-ground, however, usually leans towards the awful as of late.
That said, they didn’t do too awfully bad with last night’s celebration of the milestone they’ve achieved. Still, there was some unnecessary garbage floating around, and even more that simply didn’t have a place and was sort of shoehorned in there just to show us some legends for a second or two.
The wrestling we did get? Eh, some was good, some wasn’t. Typical RAW with more self-promotion than ever. Let’s get into it. No sense in delaying the inevitable I suppose.
You can't blame them for a let down, it's called a "refractory period".
Oh boy. If you missed it yesterday, and I assume many of you did, WWE held their pay per view event, “Money In The Bank”. Reading the results of what happened there was only one legitimate surprise in my mind, and that was Dolph Ziggler being allowed to win the World Heavyweight Championship Money In The Bank Briefcase.
Beyond that, it was pretty standard fare. Cena won the other briefcase, we had two tag team matches that nobody could give less of a shit about, a Divas tag match that was awkward and the two title matches were, well, eh?
Anyhow, tonight is the last of the two-hour versions of RAW we get. It is episode #999 and that means it’s sort of a “go-home” event for the big celebration next week when RAW reaches 1,000 episodes. With everything being put into that show (according to the dirt sheets) should we really expect a decent show tonight?
If last week’s Go-home RAW before the PPV was any indication, no. No we shouldn’t expect anything worth seeing. We’ll probably get bombarded with 1,000th RAW remembrances from the likes of Drew Carey and Jeremy Piven. (Summerfest anyone?)
So yeah..what do we have to look forward to this evening? Myself, I get to look forward to about 18 ice cold beers. Beyond that, here’s what should be on tap…
Haven't the people in Colorado suffered enough?
Hey guess what disaster happened in Colorado recently? No, not the wild fires, that’s a tragedy and I feel deeply sorry for those affected. The real tragedy, the one that could have absolutely been prevented with a little forethought….Monday Night RAW!
UGH this show suuuuuuuuucked. It was reported a while back that they had hired on writers or creative directors or something from some cancelled Soap Operas on daytime television. And that decision is now coming to fruition by way of AJ, Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. It’s the ONLY GODDAMN STORYLINE THEY HAVE!!!!
Anyhow, let’s see what else happened, in and around the soap opera that is Monday Night Raw.
RAW is coming, get a towel.
Tonight from Colorado, it’s RAW! Shit.
So yeah, they’re doing another one of these bastards and I’m going to end up watching it so I can make fun of it tomorrow right here on Belly Billboard. That’s not so bad if they actually allow some wrestling to take place, but looking at the preview that WWE.com is giving us, I’m not holding out much hope.
Let’s see where it takes us…
It was two hours of television, but that's not saying much.
Oh this was a train wreck. Did you see RAW last night? I hope you did, because I suffered through this steaming pile of stupid. And we all know misery loves company. Look, I know that all these shows can’t be great, but they can at least make it look as though they’re making an effort to entertain somebody.
I’ll get into all that in a minute. You do realize we’re less than three weeks away from having THREE GODDAMN HOURS of this shoved down our throats every week right? I mean, they even ran a promo for it at the end of RAW last night, and honestly that was the most entertaining thing to happen on the show.
Look for yourself:
please install flash
Yeah, it was funny. It wasn’t comedic gold and it certainly wasn’t well written, but it was funny in spite of itself. Or at least, it was funny to me when I had polished off 12 beers.
Anyhow, leave a comment, share this around with your friends and for the love of Doink, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER! Now, let’s get on with it…
Can you imagine suffering through three hours of this shit? Well, you won't have to imagine it for long.
Oh boy. RAW was on last night. Did you catch it? I did. I’m not proud of that and frankly, I’d prefer if you could keep that info on the down-low for me. But yes, episode 996 on our way to the milestone 1,000th episode is thankfully, mercifully in the books.
If you weren’t aware, John Cena has a Twitter. And John Cena used that Twitter earlier Monday to tweet some big, BIG news to his Cenation:
And what was that big, earth-shattering, history writing announcement? Well, you’ll have to suffer through the Regurgitation to find that out. It’s only fair.
In the meantime, I use Twitter too. Follow me dammit! I can #hashtag and maybe even #TrendWorldWide if you’d just quit being an ass about things and follow me.
Like Wrestling? You're gonna hate tonight's show then.
RAW happened last night. Whoopty shit. There wasn’t much to say for this one I’m afraid. I also fear we’re going to be forced to watch some kind of chess championship at Wrestlemania, or perhaps a Tweet-Off stomp the yard-style, between Big Johnny and Teddy Long.
For the record, I like both characters, I think they do exactly what they’re supposed to do and they do it well. I don’t, however, believe that we need a GM vs. GM Easy Bake Oven Dance Off at Wrestlemania. Hopefully they flush this turd before it wastes part of the PPV event in April.
That said, last night’s RAW was just chock full of…promos. Yeah, we got footage about everything, and very little of substance actually came to pass. I guess they’re trying to save the “good stuff” for another night.
Besides, they were in Oregon and those people don’t have much else to recommend them, so I suppose seeing big muscled up guys talk and act on the jumbo-tron was still a pretty good night out. It had to be better than watching the cat lick it’s balls while you listened to the weather report on your old transistor radio.
But I digress. Let’s get into it. RAW – A Night of Promos.
If you want to turn it into a drinking game, everytime there’s a vignette or promo mentioned, drink a beer.
Royal Rumble Yesterday…Anybody? No? Ok.
This is my third installment of the Raw Regurgitation. As I said last week, I intend to whittle down the word count as much as I can. So this week, I didn’t include the commercial reviews. Let me know if you’d prefer I put them back in. I sometimes do things that amuse only me. This episode of Raw came hot on the heels of the Royal Rumble pay per view. As the show opens we’re treated to the introduction of Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Monday Night Raw and Assistant Fry Cook John Larenitis comes out shaking hands, kissing babies, etc. His job review is coming up tonight at the hands of Chief Operating Officer and Boss’ Son In Law, Triple H.
As he starts speaking, CM Punk interrupts after Big Johnny has announced the Elimination Chamber participants. We don’t let the PPV settle 24 hours before we start plugging the next one coming up. It is, afterall, all about getting in your pocket.
As Punk is berating and singing “Na nah nah nah Goodbye” somewhere between the key of A sharp and Holy Gawd This is awful, Daniel Bryan comes out and it’s announced that we’ll have a Champion vs. Champion match. Because that’s a fresh, new exciting idea. Of course, when you put Punk and Bryan in a match, it’s going to be guaranteed entertaining. But just as Bryan is getting his groove on, letting everyone know he’s better than they are because he’s vegan and doesn’t eat meat, out come Sheamus to remind us, “Hey I’m Sheamus and I’m here too!”.
As the winner of the Two Towsand Twelve Royal Rumble, he’ll pick his opponent for Wrestlemania and if these two guys still have their title after EC, then it will be one of them (Daniel Bryan). And then he tells Big Johnny that he hopes he gets fired by relating an old Irish saying, which (and I’m paraphrasing here) wishes for John’s lacy underthings to get kicked through his colon and out his mouth. B. A. Star Sheamus.
Commercial Break – See? No Recaps.
Somebody Call My Momma!
Somebody call my Momma. Raw wasn’t half bad tonight. It had all the elements of a good show without too much of a good show mixed in. It was the perfect storm, if you will.
Now, if you remember last week I went on forever about the show and this week I vow to cut it back a bit. Even I don’t like reading that much crap, and I’ve read at least 4 dozen Dean Koontz novels in the last 4 years. So we’ll try to make this thing a little bit more palatable.
Some notes before we get started:
- I still credit @MrBrandonStroud from WithLeather for the inspiration behind doing these reviews.
- The Funkasaurus is the best thing going in WWE today.
- @5HourEnergy is pretty damn good at ignoring my Twitter heckling.
- TGIFriday’s needs to quit pretending they aren’t called TGIFriday’s anymore
- Divas matches need to be conducted in the nude, in HD, in slow-motion.
With that said, let’s get on to the show…