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RAW Regurgitation – A Night of Promos

raw logo1 238x300 RAW Regurgitation   A Night of Promos

Like Wrestling? You're gonna hate tonight's show then.

RAW happened last night.  Whoopty shit.  There wasn’t much to say for this one I’m afraid.  I also fear we’re going to be forced to watch some kind of chess championship at Wrestlemania, or perhaps a Tweet-Off stomp the yard-style, between Big Johnny and Teddy Long.

For the record, I like both characters, I think they do exactly what they’re supposed to do and they do it well.  I don’t, however, believe that we need a GM vs. GM Easy Bake Oven Dance Off at Wrestlemania.  Hopefully they flush this turd before it wastes part of the PPV event in April.

That said, last night’s RAW was just chock full of…promos.  Yeah, we got footage about everything, and very little of substance actually came to pass.  I guess they’re trying to save the “good stuff” for another night.

Besides, they were in Oregon and those people don’t have much else to recommend them, so I suppose seeing big muscled up guys talk and act on the jumbo-tron was still a pretty good night out.  It had to be better than watching the cat lick it’s balls while you listened to the weather report on your old transistor radio.

But I digress.  Let’s get into it.  RAW – A Night of Promos.

If you want to turn it into a drinking game, everytime there’s a vignette or promo mentioned, drink a beer.

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Raw Regurgitation – CEO’s, HHH’s, and WRASSLIN’!

raw logo1 238x300 Raw Regurgitation   CEOs, HHHs, and WRASSLIN!

Royal Rumble Yesterday...Anybody? No? Ok.

This is my third installment of the Raw Regurgitation.  As I said last week, I intend to whittle down the word count as much as I can.  So this week, I didn’t include the commercial reviews.  Let me know if you’d prefer I put them back in.  I sometimes do things that amuse only me.  This episode of Raw came hot on the heels of the Royal Rumble pay per view.  As the show opens we’re treated to the introduction of Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Monday Night Raw and Assistant Fry Cook John Larenitis comes out shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.  His job review is coming up tonight at the hands of Chief Operating Officer and Boss’ Son In Law,  Triple H.

As he starts speaking, CM Punk interrupts after Big Johnny has announced the Elimination Chamber participants.  We don’t let the PPV settle 24 hours before we start plugging the next one coming up.  It is, afterall, all about getting in your pocket.

As Punk is berating and singing “Na nah nah nah Goodbye” somewhere between the key of A sharp and Holy Gawd This is awful, Daniel Bryan comes out and it’s announced that we’ll have a Champion vs. Champion match.  Because that’s a fresh, new exciting idea.  Of course, when you put Punk and Bryan in a match, it’s going to be guaranteed entertaining.  But just as Bryan is getting his groove on, letting everyone know he’s better than they are because he’s vegan and doesn’t eat meat, out come Sheamus to remind us, “Hey I’m Sheamus and I’m here too!”.

As the winner of the Two Towsand Twelve Royal Rumble, he’ll pick his opponent for Wrestlemania and if these two guys still have their title after EC, then it will be one of them (Daniel Bryan).  And then he tells Big Johnny that he hopes he gets fired by relating an old Irish saying, which (and I’m paraphrasing here) wishes for John’s lacy underthings to get kicked through his colon and out his mouth.  B. A. Star Sheamus.

Commercial Break –  See?  No Recaps.

Raw Regurgitation, Pre-Royal Rumble Edition

raw logo1 238x300 Raw Regurgitation, Pre Royal Rumble Edition

Somebody Call My Momma!

Somebody call my Momma.  Raw wasn’t half bad tonight.  It had all the elements of a good show without too much of a good show mixed in.  It was the perfect storm, if you will.

Now, if you remember last week I went on forever about the show and this week I vow to cut it back a bit.  Even I don’t like reading that much crap, and I’ve read at least 4 dozen Dean Koontz novels in the last 4 years.  So we’ll try to make this thing a little bit more palatable.

Some notes before we get started:

  • I still credit @MrBrandonStroud from WithLeather for the inspiration behind doing these reviews.
  • The Funkasaurus is the best thing going in WWE today.
  • @5HourEnergy is pretty damn good at ignoring my Twitter heckling.
  • TGIFriday’s needs to quit pretending they aren’t called TGIFriday’s anymore
  • Divas matches need to be conducted in the nude, in HD, in slow-motion.
With that said, let’s get on to the show…

RAW Regurgitation – Big Johnny Edition

raw logo 238x300 RAW Regurgitation   Big Johnny Edition

The RAW Regurgitation

This is my first post about the WWE shows.  Bear with me, I’m still finding my way.  For a great recap and analysis, visit With Leather and read Brandon Stroud’s Best and Worst of RAW every Tuesday.  This is going to be pitiful, I’m sure of it.  I will probably miss alot of things here, but then, I have a memory about as long as my schlong.

With the WWE Royal Rumble only two weeks away, we have seen literally zero build up to the event from their flagship program, RAW.  Typically, for those not in the know, WWE will build up to each and every Pay Per View event with storylines that get you interested in purchasing the show.  At $45 and up, it’s a hard sell for many people who aren’t crapping cash.  But, miraculously, they find ways to sell the show.  Maybe people are willing to give up medication for a month or decided that Beer-Brand beer is good enough, who wants to pay for a name brand like Bud Light?  Either way, for the last 4 weeks or so, the WWE has done little to nothing to build interest in the upcoming Royal Rumble event, which is the start of the Road to Wrestlemania.

Again for those of you who don’t know, the Royal Rumble match is a 30-man over-the-top-rope event.  You only get eliminated when you’re literally tossed from the ring.  The last man standing gets to wrestle the main event at Wrestlemania, which is the superbowl of the WWE.  However, we’ve already been sitting on the marquee match since last year when Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson challenged John Cena to a match.  Everything else will be fluff.  That said, let’s see what happened on Raw this week. Continue reading