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Tagged: work

28May

Monday Holiday Weekend Hangover

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Oh boy. Oooooh boy. It’s been a weekend around the Gutmeister compound. Food, beer, beer and food. Not to mention a honey-do list that damn near killed me on Friday. I’m not trying to work on any given day, let alone on a holiday weekend.

I had to fix the oven door from a kid falling on it and bending the hinges out of shape, then I had to install a new ceiling fan. Followed by building a table, replacing a carburetor on the lawnmower and cooking dinner for the family. What the hell? When did they bring back indentured servitude? I’m tired godammit and I’ve got a lot of beer to drink.

vintage drink beer 207x300 Monday Holiday Weekend Hangover

Interestingly enough, I wore this exact outfit all weekend long.

So I got that done, including drinking a lot of beer. That was nice. I’m good at that and it was just the right amount of effort required for the payoff. I would do that again gladly. The beer part, not the work part.

ribs 300x180 Monday Holiday Weekend Hangover

Cinnamon Chipotle seasoning, hickory wood smoked, basted with apple juice and cooked to perfection. I am a FOOD GOD!!!!

We did the family cookout on Sunday and I smoked up two racks of BBQ ribs, about 4 pounds of hamburgers and a dozen and a half hot dogs. I also made hot dog chili to go with it. That’s enough of that shit. It was like work, and as I’ve stated previously, I don’t like work.

But it was good food. I should open a restaurant. Or maybe go eat at one. Something to do with me and a restaurant would be perfectly A-OK in my book right now.

hissy fit thumb2 273x300 Monday Holiday Weekend Hangover

Feel sorry for me goddammit! I have to WORK TODAY!!!! Poor me!

Unlike most of you, I’m back at work today because it’s Monday. I don’t get to enjoy the extra day off because I have a business to run. I want your pity. FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!!!

Dammit. Anyhow, that’s my weekend in a nutshell. I’m hoping that we never have to do this shit again, because frankly I’ve had enough.

towel 300x200 Monday Holiday Weekend Hangover

Fine, I give up. I'm done. Screw it.

16May

Swimming Pools Suck Balls

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Pure Hellish Torture

I’ve had a swimming pool in my life since I was about 8 years old or so. My parents got us a pool back in the 80′s and it was an in-ground deal. And for the first year or so it was so awesome! Always able to swim, have my friends over, the works.

Then, it became work for me, because I was deemed old enough to help with the maintenance of the pool. Vacuuming, scrubbing the algae off the walls, skimming, opening, closing, you name it, I got to do it. And the minute something fun becomes work, you get tired of fooling with it.

I remember entire summers going by where I only grudgingly got in it with my friends when they wouldn’t shut up about it. Trust me, I’m not ungrateful, but work outweighed the fun by a mile.

Then, finally, I got married and we moved into a place without a pool. And that was FREAKIN’ AWESOME. No more vacuuming, adding chemicals, scrubbing the walls of the pool to remove pool scum. Oh it was glorious. I had time to do nothing at all and I used it to its fullest. That lasted 5 years. Then we moved to South Carolina and godammitall to hell, the wife and kids wanted a pool. So we got a pool.

And ever since, I’ve been f*cking around with this pool. It’s like I did something wrong in a previous life. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

14May

Monday Mother’s Day Hangover – Holy Hell

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I can't have given birth to FOUR of Satan's spawn! It's physically impossible. Pass me the tequila and leave me the f*ck alone.

Well thank god that day is over and done with. Mother’s day is a great idea in concept. It’s a day that we all show appreciation and love towards Mom for everything she puts up with and does for us the other 364 days a year. In all honestly, she probably deserves a month-long celebration.

The reason she doesn’t get a month-long celebration, however, is because it would goddamned kill Dads like me. See, I’m from the school of thought that you can take her out to a restaurant for a meal any day of the week. Unless you’re some kind of asshole, which I am, but I’m not that kind of asshole. I take care of my wife as best I can on her special day because she’s managed to put up with not only me but our four boys as well.

So, her day starts out with breakfast. Banana pancakes and bacon with blueberry syrup. Sounds simple enough but it takes a damned hour to prepare and get on the table. Then the boys and me take care of the dishes, because she shouldn’t have to fool with that shit on Mother’s Day.

From there, I began prepping dinner. Dinner consisted of Honey glazed, apple-wood smoked chicken, buffalo chicken pasta salad, corn on the cob and country apple dumplings for dessert. Now I’m not too sure if you know how to smoke chickens, but it takes a long damn time. Nearly four hours on the smoker. That left me time to get the pool opened per her request, so we can swim in it sometime this Summer.

chicken 300x180 Monday Mothers Day Hangover Holy Hell

Two perfectly smoked, honey glazed, cinnamon chipotle seasoned chickens. No, I didn't save you any.

After working from 9am until almost 8pm, I was bushed. I can’t do this shit much longer. It’s too much like a real job, which I don’t have and don’t want. Working at home lets me set my hours and work at my pace. Mother’s day was a marathon day for me, and I’m just not built for marathons. Hell, I’m not built for short walks.

In all, I love my wife dearly and would do anything for her. I just hope she doesn’t ask for this treatment again until next year, when I’ve rested up.