TIME To Ask the Tough Questions

spermbank TIME To Ask the Tough QuestionsIn an article from Time Healthland, they get to the bottom of an age old health concern…Is Sperm From Redheads Really Less Desirable?

Let that marinate on your brain for another minute, Is Sperm From Redheads Really Less Desirable?  I don’t know about you, but personally, this very concern has kept me awake at night for years.  Thank Jeebus for author Bonnie Rochman.  This is a question that NEEDS to be answered.  Why aren’t they discussing this in the GOP debates?  What are they really trying to hide from the public at large?  Screw the economy, and that silly little war thing we have going on, the important shit is right here:  IS SPERM FROM REDHEADS REALLY LESS DESIRABLE??  Well you bastards?  Is it?  IS IT???

I can remember when I was a young man, and growing up with my grandparents, they had some old-timey sayings that they passed out like universal truths.  Things like, “Don’t ever look straight up at a bird.  If you put the cart before the horse, he’ll never drink bourbon.  Don’t take sperm from a ginger.”  So this has been a long standing prejudice against our fair skinned brethren for at least a century.  Well, Bonnie here is getting right to the heart of the matter.  She’s making a bold stand and she’s shattering every spunk myth you ever heard in her groundbreaking article.  For example,

For the record, it’s nothing personal against redheads.

See?  Now, put that in your pipe and sit on it, you bigoted bunch of spermists!  I agree wholeheartedly with Bonnie, it’s nothing personal, not at all.  It’s EVERYTHING personal!  And the ginger community won’t stand for this bias any more!  I can see it now, hoardes of red-headed men and their sympathizers take to the streets (with plenty of SPF55) and march on Washington.  Their rallying cry can be heard all across our nation’s capital, “This is junk!  Respect our spunk!”  The signs, oh the glorious protest signs, these will be fantastic.  ”Our Jizz has feelings too!”  ”Don’t be a hater to what comes from our taters!”  ”Smegma Equality Now!”

Yes, thank you Bonnie, for your bravery in fighting the good fight for baby batter betterment.  I’m sure that as soon as the sun goes down, the pasty white throngs of carrot topped men will come out and thank you.  When you win this war on White Honey, I’ll even throw a Congratulatory message on my gut for ya!  You’ll still pay the $5 but how great will it be?

Oh wait, I just actually read the article.  This is about a cryogenics lab freezing sperm donations for people wanting designer babies.  Apparently, not even gingers want ginger kids, so they’re not keeping any ginger juice on tap.  Well, that I can endorse.  Screw it.

  • http://www.ludakristen.com/ Luda Kristen

    ‘Ginger juice’ and ‘baby batter betterment’. You could’ve just posted those two terms and nothing else and this post would’ve still been phenomenal.